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I'm not one that makes plans, work arounds or strategies to deal with the things that scare me. So, it's not about swimming — it's about getting over my discomfort with looking stupid, so that I can practice being ok when I'm feeling dumb, so that I know that I have worth even when I'm not smart. If for no other reason, I need to get a better handle on my anxiety so I have more capacity to raise my son and be of useful service to others… so apparently now is the time to finally address this anxiety and stop it with the work-arounds. Here's the weird thing about getting fit after Then, thanks to a combo of life shit and political shit and aging and who knows what else, my anxiety stopped being ambient and started looking like it was going to drive me over the edge. I absolutely agree with you. Sure, I failed guppies three times as a kid, but when you it peel, back it's just the shame sting of looking stupid. This is the hardest part of the process, because my mind and ego really REALLY want me to believe the details and specifics of anxiety are incredibly important. It's uncomfortable, but if you take off enough layers to the point where you're saying something so humbling and simple that it sounds like something that a very small child might say, and then you immediately feel like crying because it sounds so silly but is so true. It's nerve-wracking every time so it doesn't FEEL like progress, but when I look back, I can see that growth has occurred. Flooding, in my swimming pool example, would be throwing myself into a pool, to hopefully force myself to realize that pools aren't scary. If I've learned anything this year, it's that most anxiety details are just story and content. Why am I freaking out all the time.
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